Growing up you believe and do whatever you’re told. You eat your apples, act like a lady hoping you will fit into this world like a perfect little puzzle piece.
But what happens when the apples aren’t enough, and you loose the one thing that makes you feel like a woman?
When I was 15 I found out I can’t have kids. Being a young girl who had been conditioned to believe that that is the only role for a woman, I thought I was worthless, a mistake. So much pride and effort went into this “promised future” that I thought I was supposed to be.
It didn’t stop there, for the past 6 years I’ve been passed doctor to doctor, pill to pill still to this day with no explanation to why or how this happened.
It first started with debilitating migraines that took me from, school, work and sports. Then the depression, anxiety, insomnia. Through the trials of the multiple pharmaceuticals it became a game of trying to manage side effects. Vomiting blood, extreme light head or dizzy spells, severe chest pains, lesions growing in my brain.
So after 3 years of western medicine I decided to try naturopathic medicine and still the side effects outweighed the treatment. At this point I had lost over 40lbs in less than 2 months weighing nearly 85lbs. So my doctor at the time suggested I get my medical marijuana card.
I was hesitant at first, due to watching people in my life crumble from their own addictions. Not to mention coming from a military family I knew it wouldn’t be supported, but I knew I needed a change.
What happened after this was the most beautiful thing. I found hope. I used high CBD concentrates, topicals, edibles, flower and teas that completely changes my quality of life in just a few weeks. I was able to manage migraines, stoped throwing up blood, started gaining weight, and was able to over come my depression and anxiety. It didn’t cure my root cause but it is helping me get through all the different types of treatments and side effects that I wasn’t able to combat on my own prior to. Being a prisoner in my own body and mind was killing me but thanks to the medical cannabis industry I finally found my way out.
But the biggest change was accepting that you can’t play life by the rules, nor try to fit in. Nothing is by the book because there is no book. So don’t have to give into these predetermined connotations. I am smart, driven and successful despite being an avid smoker. And I sure as hell have never been more proud to be a woman despite my body’s ability to bare a child.
Find what makes you grow, sometimes it means stepping out of your comfort zone.